Park Development

Here are the latest pictures of the park, as you can see it is 'coming along'. This week we'll smooth out the pea gravel a bit more, and add some if/where needed. As well, as hanging the baby swings! (I can't wait to use those next summer!) Just click to see the picture in larger detail!

Park build weekend.

Here's a pic of the park being built. It now has pea gravel in heaps ready to be pushed around! Then we can put the baby swings in and hopefully Blue Imp will eventually send us the 'back ordered' part for the main structure (as Tic Tac Toe board).

We will be putting up the fence around the park likely in a week or two. And in a couple weekends there will also be a 'work bee' to install the outdoor ice rink directly behind the park! The kids are lucky this year! 2 new developments just for them!

Surprisingly, I've heard there are couple people that are less than happy about the park. I find this terribly disappointing. I can't understand why someone wouldn't want a park for the littlest people in our community. In fact, apparently they would prefer to see the spot stay completely empty- as it was, with 2 flowers pots and 2 old benches.

Yeah... I don't get it.

I think this bothers me so much because I feel like they don't care about Reece. I take it personally and I suppose I shouldn't. However, I'm not going to make apologies for feeling the way I do. I'm Reecey's mom and stupid, selfish, ignorant people, with whacked out personal agendas (like trying to stop progress), tick me off.
This is my baby's park and it will bring lots of giggles and happiness to the littlest (AND most IMPORTANT people) in our community.

I had hoped to have they're ('they' being these old guys that are crabbing about the park) support and work together to make the spot not only USEFUL but also beautiful, with their input about what types of plants, trees and flowers to put around the park... guess that won't be happening.

I posted this without Grant editing it, so I'll probably get into trouble for being so honest about this, but it's been REALLY ticking me off!!

Build week!!

It's here! Build weekend. The construction started this week with the Town (thanks Trevor & Sam) excavating the site for us.
I'm attaching a video (it's quick!) so that everyone can see where the park is going and what it's looking like right now. We also have more equipment not laying out, in case people are wondering... 'gee that doesn't look like much stuff!!"
Please also let others know the fundraising IS NOT OVER!! Some of our expenses were under-estimated and we definitely need to continue our fundraising through September (as planned, however with a greater 'push'!) Thanks to Rach & friends in Athabasca, AB for also doing a Home & Gift party it should help us a lot!.
I am also hosting a Home & Gift party on Sept 14th (Sunday from 1-4) at 215 Carson St in Dundurn, however if you can't make it I can still get you catalogues (there's 2! the reg. housewares one and also the Christmas catalogue is available now!!)
30% of regular sales go to the park. I'm hoping that we can raise about $1000 for the park. This should hopefully get us in the clear! We had also hoped to be able to purchase trees, shrubs, planters and plants but that may have to wait until next year and perhaps another 1950's theme dance in the Spring!
This week has been intensely stressful, much more so than Grant and I had expected. Grant of course is now full-time teaching, no longer a 'fill-in' teacher, and is experiencing all those 'first year teacher' joys! (committees, extra curricular, planning, meetings, kids... and on and on). Can't say I miss any of that, well if I could just get paid for the kids & extra curricular and skip all the rest... :) but I digress...
...some mix-ups with missing parts in our order, finding out we're going to be moving/spreading (and paying for!) 2x the amount of pea gravel as first thought, AND having some equipment show up 1 day earlier than expected AND trying to find some men in town in the middle of the day to help unload it!! (good luck!!)
But just as I began to stress, our town proves it rocks yet again and just gets it done when it needs to get done! BIG THANKS to the students and staff at Dundurn Elementary School. Who got all the equipment unloaded safely! Hope we see all of you at the party on Monday.
Here's our little video of Day one :)
I'll keep you updated at the weekend progresses.

Wrapping Up

Well here we are - August. Late August! "Where did the summer go!" seems to be the comment in the air everywhere I turn. As everyone knows now, we are very close to reaching our 'goal' of $36,000. We have had some donations come in this month that had now pushed up to our goal I'm sure and with a couple remaining fundraiser items & an event to wrap up, we will be completely done fundraising for the park by September's end. An entire year ahead of schedule! Simply amazing.
One donation we received this month came from Darci @ Enigma Salon (click on it to go to the site- it's great!) Darci is Grant's hairdresser and her salon completed a cut-a-thon and donated to proceeds to the park! THANKS DARCI!!
The second very large fundraising effort that happened this month was at the Saskatoon Bluecross office on 2nd ave. They held a 'casual day' last week and then today took in office donations on a lottery ticket raffle. The 2 events raised close to $1000. I cannot express in words how deeply thankful we are to all those that have supported this park. So big thanks to the Staff Committee at Bluecross Saskatoon and to Michelle Huber & Trena Pfefferle for their work today! And of course everyone in Group Claims and throughout the organization that have been so extremely supportive.
As I update the fundraiser balance over September, I hope to create a more complete listing of everyone that has helped.

This weekend will be the 'park build'.
It will get underway likely Thursday night or Friday a.m. with the Town Foreman prepping the site. On Friday the Blue Imp equipment will arrive (see park picture from earlier blogs). The Little Tikes equipment is already in town. Saturday we will be drilling holes and putting everything together. Then we will mix cement and fill the holes, then spread the pea gravel. Hopefully everything will go much quicker than I am expecting (we've been lucky so far!!) and perhaps mostly everything will be done by Sat night and the Monday Grand Opening celebration will actually include the kids getting to try out the equipment!Either way, on Monday we are having a celebration and everyone is invited! ESPECIALLY those with pre-school aged kiddies. From 1-3 we will be having snacks and a concert performed by Saskatchewan's own children's entertainer Sylvia Chave! (click on her name to check her out!) This promises to be a lot of fun, and a great opportunity for people to come see where their donations have gone! Not to mention, a great way to get all the families and children from town together!

Sugar and Spice

Today we had an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby. With everything that has happened this year, I felt strongly, that I wanted to know and name this baby before he/she was born. I suppose to celebrate it from the beginning and start the bonding process more meaningfully?! I don't know why, but I thought it would somehow put my mind at ease 'knowing' more about this new addition.

And I can honestly say it already has. As we left the clinic I felt a weight lifted and a genuine happiness knowing that my 'motherly' instincts were confirmed and that we knew baby #3 just a bit more.

You see, when I was expecting Aiden, we were unable to find out 'what' we were having at the first ultrasound, but I wanted a girl and felt that was what I was having (but of course didn't want to 'say it out loud' and chance jinxing the outcome). Turned out my instincts were correct.

With Reece, I had hoped for a boy, however; always felt it was going to be a girl. We waited until the end and discovered that again, my 'motherly instincts' had been correct. And happily so, by then end we realized that another girl would be much easier on Aiden (and therefore on us!! as she was in the midst of the terrible 3-4's!!)

Again, this time looks like we are having another girl!!!

Although the technician couldn't 100% confirm the gender, she said she felt comfortable at this stage to say she was 80% sure it was a girl. I'm going to try to post a couple videos so you can see what we saw during the ultrasound.

Before we start getting emails/comments/calls etc. - no we did not have a 3D ultrasound. It was the typical 2d, however she tried to take a couple pictures that were in 3D but they did not turn out as baby was very active. Which honestly was FINE with me (at 22-23 weeks gestation, a baby is not exactly 'pudgy and cute' - not even a pound yet!). So 2D leaves a bit to the imagination, which I am quite comfortable with :)

Video 1 is the baby sucking on some of her fingers. Video 2 is footage from the bum looking up between the legs, you'll notice there is a lack of....something.. what you do see (that may confuse some that have not seen lots of ultrasounds) is the umbilical cord- don't be confused :) the 3 video, if I can get it on here, will be the babies face shot. However the video was not working for me earlier. My apologies if you cannot get these to work on your computer for whatever reason, but we were only provided with a CD with movie files (AVI) no jpegs.

A Trip 'Home'

As I sit in a quiet, empty house, the dog beside me on the couch I focus on the task at hand. A new post for the blog. I've been neglecting the blog as of late. I suppose doing what I have done best for year...avoiding.

You see I have anxiety. It stems from some unfounded fear of dying. Although I've been scrutinized by doctors, therapists, psychiatrists there is no basis for this fear to have developed in my formative years. No tragedy, no trauma, no early exposure to death or dying. In fact the first close personal loss I ever experienced was that of my grandmother when I was 18 or so. So, I guess it just comes down to a chemical issue. So- the way I dealt with this fear was to avoid anything relating to death. For years I did this. It is so ingrained in who I am I still do it without conscious thought. I have always been a sensitive person, emotional and too sympathetic. I avoid movies where someone gets 'picked on' for any reason. I change the radio station when a sad song comes on. Completely on auto-pilot.

Needless to say although I have had my anxiety completely under control since before Reece was born, even though my anxiety had not been an issue I still avoided these things, even though I could probably handle the exposure.

Now I am at another stage in this mixed up, chemical, emotional, situational ...crux.

I have now been dealt the worst, in your face, reality based situation one can be exposed to. The loss of our Reecey. I made it through the first few months with medications and shock. Then my avoidance mechanism took over, back to work I went, going through the motions. Soon, this started to not work so well, especially when complicated by my becoming pregnant and trying to go medication free. Obviously, common sense would tell you that this could not last, and it didn't.
I broke down, physically and emotionally. Morning sickness coupled with migraines and constant anxiety and guilt about not measuring up at work and home, I had to take some time off.

During this time, I met with our counselor. He posed some tough questions to me, challenging my thought processes. Which was terribly difficult. He discovered that as a result of my cultural influences, I have a difficult time 'letting go' emotionally (at least when it comes to sadness). How very British of me.
...Lovely.
Apparently tea and toast isn't going to fix this state I'm in :)

SO, the work begins.

My first bit of homework given to me was to write a letter to Reece, THEN to write back to myself from her.

I can't even write that sentence (above) without crying. Imagine how difficult these letters would be. It's been over a month, and I still can't do it.

During this time, we took a trip 'home' (for me anyway). I suppose I have a bit of gypsy in my personality. As a result of our moving a fair bit when I was little I have a difficult 'settling' down. We've been in Saskatoon for years. Certainly far longer than any other place, however it is not home. I feel very little connection to it, other than many great friends. I think when I think of "home" I picture a little village we lived in when I was in grades 4 through 8. It's called Havre Boucher. A French settlement, but mainly English speaking residents now of course. Which is why locals pronounce it "haver bushy". Anyway, when someone says 'home' to me I have always pictured the view from the road directly between the Havre Boucher elementary school and the Catholic church. Situated on a hill in the heart of the community, you could look out and see the ocean. (Neither building as I remember them, are there now). There were stories of ghost ships sailing through the waters there and such rich history.




We traveled to NewBrunswick for my Papa's memorial, then onto Nova Scotia, where my parents have 're-settled' for their retirement. Not near Havre Boucher, but you can see the ocean from their living room window and when you go to town to shop, you hear the beautiful 'accents' of the east.

I fully understand how farmers on the Prairies have a connection to the land and stick with farming no matter how tough. It's home. I too have that connection, but to the east.

I thought I would find it difficult to return from the trip, but the truth was (and this was an awakening for me), I was relieved to come home. I felt physically and emotionally, more at peace, upon our return to Dundurn. I even gained a couple of much needed pounds the first week back.

I guess this was a taste of serendipity for me. Reece chose Dundurn for us, in many ways, and this has now been solidified.

I suppose this is part of my letter to her, to thank her for choosing our home for us. For showing me where and how to settle down.

But the real letter will have to wait. I'm just not there yet. Grant however, is much braver than I (in my opinion). Grant however, points out that " we are on different paths". Although he doesn't have to unteach himself the bad habit of 'avoidance'. He has been writing and reading on and off since the beginning of our grieving. It is so intensely difficult, I watch him do it and am so proud of him. Admittedly, I can see now it may take me longer to learn to live with our loss than perhaps Grant. As I heard of another couple who lost a teenage son in a tragic accident; the mother allowed each moment of sadness to over take her and almost welcomed the pain. Eventually as the years passed those moments likely came less and further apart, until one day she seemed to feel some peace after having a dream about her son. I can see that Grant is likely on that path. The starting stepping stone maybe, but still further ahead than I think I am. I am just grateful he is leading the way and following his own path, and not sitting stagnant beside me.

To close on a lighter side- (Rachel will like this)- it seems Grant is finally 'my rock'!! (for those that were at our wedding you'll know what that's about :)

Papa

Saturday July 5th was the memorial service for George W. Sampson. George was "Papa" to me. My maternal grandfather to be specific. I thought I would share his obituary with you, as he played such a huge role in my life, especially knowing Reece- she was a miniature version of him!

SAMPSON, GEORGE W A memorial and Legion Tribute will be held at the Oromocto Funeral Home July 5 at 1:30 pm. Burial of ashes will follow at St. Vincent De Paul Cemetery. A reception will be held at the Oromocto Legion Branch 93. George was a veteran of the Korean War. He joined the RCR Special Forces in August 1950. This unit was specifically made up of men to fight in Korea. George was trained in Tacoma, WA as a Bren Gunner and was seriously wounded in October 1951. He spent months in the hospital from Japan to Lancaster Hospital in Saint John. He was honourably discharged in August 1952. George was past-president and service officer and life member of Oromocto Legion Branch 93. He was also a member of the War Amps of Canada.

Papa passed away 2 weeks after our little Reece. This was significant as they were like two peas in a pod. Grant and I would often see Reece do something that only an experienced comedian would do, and we couldn't figure out where she got this inate timing and talent from... after some thought, it was obvious - she got it from her Papa George! My Nanna told Papa that Reece had passed away, she said he didn't really talk after that. After a few days/weeks he gave in to his weakened condition and went to heaven to take care of Reece for us, as he is the only one qualified.

It was an emotional and beautiful memorial service, taken to an entirely new level of respect and class with the attendance of the local Legion members, each saluting Papa's picture and ashes and everyone wearing poppies and putting them on a cross in front of him. It was intense.

Many ridiculously hilarious stories were shared about him. My cousin Shannon gathered some great ones, most had something to do with his fake leg. Like the time he threw out his old leg in a box and waited, watching out the window to see what would happen when the 'surprise garbage' was picked up. The poor garbage man, had the scare of his life!
There was also the story of the time Papa & Nan were in Canadian Tire and the foot broke off Papa's fake leg. Nan tracked down a clerk and asked for 'a bag to put part of her husband's leg in to get it home'!!! Can you imagine the look on that guys face?! haha He was an inspiration, he treated life like an adventure and a chance to laugh as much as you can.

However, the service was much more emotional than I had been expecting. I suppose living so very far away, allowed me to distance myself from this loss a bit. I read a speech I prepared, but wasn't sure I would get through. Normally I don't have a problem with public speaking, even reading an exerpt from "Tuesdays with Maury" at Reece's funeral without breaking down. But Saturday was much different.
It is such an enourmous loss to our family, to Papa's community and the Legion. But we are thankful he is with Reece.
·